What is it to Be Nice?

An Interesting Take on a Common Directive.

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Every person has been reminded at some point of the expectation to speak or act in a pleasing, agreeable way. “Be nice” is the command. People in general classify NICENESS as a good quality, but is niceness a virtue?

For Socrates (470–399 BC), the state of our inner being determines the quality of our lives. We are here to pursue knowledge, to study, to grow in wisdom, and to make our inner selves as good and beautiful as possible. Virtues (kindness, courage, character, etc) as per Socrates, are excellences that represent right ways to govern ourselves and behave. Socrates held that virtues beautify our inner selves. Socrates also held that kindness and compassion are virtues. Kind, compassionate acts are right acts performed with no expectation of benefit or payback, but niceness? For Socrates, niceness is not a virtue. Nice is a slippery term, as it can refer to something infused with humanity that lifts people and situations up. Nice can also refer to something passive, false, compliant — even damaging.

Niceness and Nice Action

A step beyond nice is nice action. One might define a nice action as a thoughtful, pleasant deed performed either to make people comfortable, or to make some aspect of a situation more amiable than it might otherwise be.

We generally perceive nice actions as acts that are performed in an effort to promote civility, kindness, mutual consideration, or cooperation. One might also perform a nice action to ensure that a relationship or agreement grows or at least remains stable.

Socrates might find the definition for nice action offered above to be overly broad. Actions classified as nice may not be thoughtful, pleasant, or performed on behalf of other people. Is it possible that a person who feels no degree of thoughtfulness or caring toward an individual would do something nice for that person?

Research indicates why a person without care for another person might do something nice. Findings show that nice actions may be performed to meet expectations, to appear to be a particular type of person, to gain attention, and/or to polish the performer’s reputation.

It is notable too that actions that are nice in terms of thoughtfulness are not always pleasant. In an effort to protect someone or to act for the long-term good of another person, imagine that someone tells a coworker that irrefutable evidence has surfaced that their spouse is having an affair. An action of this nature is nice in that it is done in the interest of another person’s well-being, but is not pleasant.

Finally, the definition of nice action offered above implies such actions are performed to benefit others. Action taken to benefit others may be called Nice, but such actions also cross into the Kind category.

Nice actions often cause the performer to look and feel good, but the action might not benefit anyone else. With the points above in mind, a more nuanced definition of nice action could be this: a nice action is a polite, conflict-avoiding social expectation.

What then is it to be Nice? While niceness feels good and often promotes positives, it can also serve as a deceptive cover. Though not a virtue, niceness is an influential social construct that can be used to lighten a mood, cultivate civility, and encourage mutual consideration.