Nice is Nice, but Kind is Best
Be nice is the directive, but is nice the best we can do?
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People classify NICENESS as good. Is it? Is it always?
Kindness as a leadership maxim, in business, and in the workplace, is an undervalued superpower. Want to move people, causes, deals, and mountains? Practice kindness.
How are things going? The project? Your vacation? What can I do to help? Sincerely checking in with people goes a long way.
Taking time with people - learning about people behind titles and tasks - serves as a great teacher and creates cohesion. Find out what is important to people, what motivates them, where their cares lie.
Socrates (470–399 BC) had much to say on virtue and the state of our inner being. Socrates counsels that the state of our inner being determines the quality of our lives and character. We are here to pursue knowledge, to study, grow in wisdom and help others.
Virtues said Socrates, are excellences that represent best ways to govern ourselves, best ways to behave. Socrates held that kindness and compassion are virtues. Kind and compassionate acts are performed without expectation of benefit.
How then shall we consider niceness?
Niceness is not a virtue say Socrates. Nice is a slippery term, as it can in some circumstances refer to something infused with humanity that lifts people and situations up. At the same time, nice can also refer to something false, passive, or compliant — even damaging.
A step beyond nice is a nice act, action or gesture. We generally perceive nice actions as acts that are performed in an effort to promote civility and mutual consideration. One might also perform nice actions to ensure that a relationship grows or at least remains stable.
Socrates would find this definition of nice action offered overly broad. Actions classified as nice may not be thoughtful or performed on behalf of others.
Is it possible that an individual who feels no degree of caring toward someone would do something nice for that person?
YES - it is possible and common.
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Research indicates that nice actions may be performed to meet expectations, to appear to be a particular type of person, to gain attention, and/or to polish the performer’s reputation.
Actions that are nice in terms of true thoughtfulness are not always pleasant.
Protecting someone or acting for the long-term good of another person may require action that is not at all pleasant. Unpleasant and even upsetting action might be nice in that it is done in the interest of another person’s well-being, but is not pleasant.
Action taken to truly benefit others may be called Nice, but such actions actually cross into the category of KIND. Nice actions may cause the performer to look and feel good, but the action might not benefit anyone else. A more nuanced definition of nice explains that a nice action is a conflict-avoiding, polite, social expectation that is not necessarily at all associated with kindness. While niceness feels good and often promotes positives, it can also serve as a deceptive cover. The bottom line? Nice and Kind are not interchangeable terms. Niceness and kindness spring from different foundations, and affect people in markedly different ways.
Kindness is doing something that is helpful to others, something that comes from a place of benevolence. Oftentimes, true kindness isn’t quick, convenient, or easy. Kindness requires more than niceness, and can be uncomfortable and challenging. It may be easier to be nice but when things count, being kind is the way to go. Kindness oftentimes and when it’s needed most, is the better option.