3-Steps to Personal Power

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To build power with (not over) people, do this:

1-Don't be rushed or always busy.
2-Talk less.
3-Be measured in words, labels, and actions.
4-Take genuine interest in the world.
5-Acknowledge nuance, and all you likely don't know.

What else to do? At its foundation, positive power with people begins with our own self-assurance, the certainty we have in our penchant to act, to show up and do what is to be done beautifully, regardless of mood. Self-assurance refers to an inner-citadel of trust in ourselves to find a way to do what we say we'll do when it’s time. Breaking things down a bit further:

Realize that building self-assurance is a process - it doesn’t happen overnight. An important aspect of building assurance in ourselves involves cultivating self-awareness. This entails recognizing and understanding our strengths, weaknesses, and unique qualities. It also involves seeing yourself and the way your mind processes and operates from a third-person perspective. This is called meta-cognition. Meta-cognition refers to observing and understanding one’s own thought patterns and processes. It is a key characteristic among people who have great self-awareness. Self-awareness allows people to build on strengths, and to work on areas that need improvement, all while observing ourselves in some degree from a third-person, bird’s-eye view.

Another component that builds self-assurance is setting and realizing goals. Breaking down larger objectives into manageable tasks helps ensure accomplishment and momentum. Wins build on wins - momentum builds on momentum. Celebrating achievements and progress, no matter how small, reinforces self-assurance, which in turn builds confidence. Moreover, overcoming challenges as we go contributes to our self-efficacy, grit and resilience. Navigating setbacks via a growth-centered, let’s-find-a-way mindset helps us build and maintain trust and assurance in ourselves.

Building a supportive network can also play a pivotal role in developing self-assurance. Surrounding yourself with encouraging people who note and cheer on your potential helps. Support of this nature, when combined with feedback from admired, trusted mentors and friends goes along way toward one’s pursuit of trust in self, toward self-assurance.

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In the end, building self-assurance is a multifaceted process that involves 1) developing keen awareness of our selves and our thought-processes, 2) starting small. Then consistently achieve what you set out to do, and 3) developing an inner core of trust in ourselves. Talk less, observe and listen more, be measured in thought, word and action, and appreciate nuance and all that’s good and working, and recognize the great depth of what each of us doesn’t know.